Tentacles, fungi, and nail polish

I know for a fact that I'm not exactly open minded when it comes to my food. I'm not a super-picky eater, but I draw the line somewhere.

That somewhere happens to be tentacles.

I'm sorry all you calamari lovers. All you people out there who like octopus sushi, I'm sure you have your reasons. But I cannot, will not EVER eat something that has suckers, stingers, or was once an internal body part. Imagine, if you will, taking a squid, hacking off a tentacle, sticking it on some rice, and eating it. JUST. LIKE. THAT.

And then there's foods like tripe, which if I'm not mistaken is cow guts. I've seen them in soup, and they look like those worms you see after a rainstorm, only fatter. You know, the greyish dead ones, all bloated and soggy? Yeah. That's tripe.

My personal favorite (they scare the crap out of me) is mushrooms. Last time I checked, mushrooms are fungi. They feed off of dead or decaying matter, and yet we insist on putting them in gourmet food. Will someone please explain to me how this works?

Okay, enough about the food. Really, I'll stop.

....It's just icky. That's all.

I really am done now, if only to quickly touch on something that's bugged me for years. Occasionally I'll wear a bit of makeup, but the one thing I cannot do is go makeup shopping. Because the instant I walk into Bobbi Brown, for example, the only thing I can see is THIS:

Rose Gold, Toasted Honey, Seashore Frosts, Honey Beige, Soft Suede, and of course my all time favorite courtesy of Lip Smackers: GUM BALL GALAXY.

I mean, what the hell? Half of these are the exact same shade, and that shade is LIGHT BROWN. But no--God forbid anyone actually call it light brown. We need to give our makeup colors names like Razzle Dazzle Raspberry, because red is just too--too manly, or something. The rainbow is for fashion wimps. Forget ROYGBIV, kiddies. It's time for you to learn all eight billion different brand name colors out there!

Yes, this ticks me off, if only because when you're a kid you never say things like "Pass the Seamist". No, you say "blue", but as soon as you enter puberty it's NOT blue, you fools. Clearly, it's Blue My Mind (I only wish I was making this up), and heaven help anyone too stupid to know that.

You know what? From now on, everything is PUCE.

...Good thing they don't try and sell octopus as Tender Rose Tentacles. I'm sure that would go down well.