So how many of you poor children out there have had to sit through at least one period of sheer agony disguised as "Health class"? Damned if I haven't had to sit through my fair share of them. It's cruel and unusual torture, and it's the law that all you Americans out there have to learn about the glories of sexual reproduction (and all the little buggers that come with it).
And of course, I never rant without reason--well, I do, but this time I do have a reason. Because I'm going to be studying all night long for that horror of all horrors, the HEALTH TEST.
Dun dun DAAAH!!!
Anyways, my point is (and I do have one, it's just hiding...or dead) that Health tests are the most pointless way to spend a class period EVER. Even playing games like Sushi-Go-Round is a better way to spend your time, and yet year after year, these teachers insist on forcing a new generation of students to study anatomy, as if midway through intercourse they will stop and say "Look! The scrotum!" More ridiculous still is the studying of nutrition and fitness. We're high schoolers, for God's sake. We learn things, and then we forget them (sometimes, we even skip the first step), and yet the Health Teacher expects us to spend the rest of our life planning out healthy diets and fitness programs. Honestly, that's why we spend millions on elite gyms each year--so we can have someone else TELL us all that junk. It's not like we listen to them anyways, we just pay them to talk while we pig out on ice cream and Twix bars.
...And I'm pretty sure I've lost my point again. Maybe I never had it in the first place. Long story short, my Health teacher is a tiny (and I mean TINY--as in 4' 8'' tiny), possibly female walrus named Tamra Patton who I swear is actually a 6' 3'' cross-dressing Chinese man. Really. And she is going to be testing us on nutrition, fitness (there are are formulas you should use to plan your workout, God help us all.), sexual health and care, puberty, the whole 15 billion yards.
Joy.
And seeing as I've spent way too long whining and not nearly enough time studying, I'm off to the land of sexual diagrams and food pyramids.
Wishing you a Health-free existence,
Tsubaki
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3 comments:
This is why you have my dear friend Doug-o! Doug-o knows that you don't care, will forget, and will probably never use this information. So he kinda talks about it for 15 minutes and then he moves on to practical things, like fatherhood or finance or how our beloved school was back in the day.
However, our dear friend Doug-o still has a test. And he didn't teach us anything. So either the test is on nothing or we're fucked.
JOY!
yeah, i have to agree with schmidt on this one. we have learned many useful things in health this year, like how to change a tire, but nothing we have learned will appear on the test. what will appear in fact, is everything we haven't learned.
Oh god, there are FORMULAS to plan your workout??
I will have to talk to you about this, because I also am in the class of Dougo, meaning that the only formulas I have learned in that class are the ones that calculate just how poor I will be by the time I retire.
By the by, I find it funny that they try to teach us Nutrition and then send us off to have lunch in the Refectory, the land of candy, Ben and Jerry's, and soda. Also that they think it necessary to TEACH us to have safe sex, when most of us are probably nevernudes anyway, and the rest of us are just too far gone for it to matter.
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