West Side (of Goa) Story

I think, therefore I watch Bollywood. And so should you. Like Schmidt and her artist profiles, I'm going to do a Bollywood profile! Or perhaps just a plot summary of a really stoner movie!

To begin: I haven't exactly SEEN this movie, but I'm pretty sure that's not necessary.

The movie is, in essence, West Side Story. But in Goa, with Indian people. And I doubt any of them actually sing. So there are two competing gangs, led by the hardcore Max and the not-so-hardcore Rahul. Max's gang can be identified by their shades and leather jackets. Rahul's gang can be identified by their pastel shirts in all the colors of the rainbow.

So much for Sharks and Jets.

Anyways, Max has a sister, played by India's trademark Gorgeous Woman (or, as a friend would say, Ashy Washy) who I actually prefer to Maria because she's a tomboy and hangs out with the gang in plaid shorts. And she shoves her brother around when's he stupid. And this sister, named Shirley--yes, Shirley--falls for Rahul even though she sets a flood of mice loose in his bakery. At least, I think it's a bakery. And Max has his own stubborn love interest, who I think has nothing to do with the story, he just needed a love interest. She breaks a violin over his head though, so she can't be all that bad.

And at some point, Rahul and Max start having all these Indian-style beatdowns, including one to a musical number wherein they keep getting interrupted by policemen, nuns, etc. and have to pretend that really, they're actually just best buddies. There is snapping involved. And they demonstrate why Indian-style beatdowns are really depressing, because apparently there's only the one bicycle-chain per gang and the rest of the guys just have to go with perfectly-cylindrical wooden sticks that they pull out of nowhere.

So of course the couples experience True Love the likes of which has never been seen before, even though Max is trying to kill Rahul for experiencing said True Love. And in the end...well, I'll be honest and say I have only the vaguest idea about what happens in the end. I get the impression that Max and Shirley come into some fucking huge property thanks to their deceased parents, and I don't think anybody dies but it is quite possible that Max offs Rahul and Rahul sings to Shirley for a good seven minutes before actually kicking the bucket. Which still sort of counts as a happy ending, in my book.

This movie, for any and all who are interested, is called Josh, from 2000. I suggest you see it. If you don't want to see it, I suggest you Youtube Hum Bhi Hain Josh Mein, which is the snapping song. If you're interested in Bollywood movies I've seen and can ACTUALLY recommend.....You don't exist. Nevermind.