Legions of Rome, unite!

Oh, Ashy-Washy. Why?

There is a movie. In English. With Ashy-Washy. And Colin Firth. AND IT'S CALLED THE LAST LEGION.

Babes, you knew it was going to be good just from the title, right?

So it's basically like an Arthurian legend fuckover, which I don't mind because it's got Rome and sorcery and Ashy-Washy being a random Asian bodyguard-warrior-chick who shows up basically so Colin Firth, Roman general of fail, will have a fake love interest (more on that in a minute), which makes me laugh. And there's a legion called the Dragon Legion, and a magical sword--supposedly Julius Caesar's, but we all know that he was sleeping with the Lady of the Lake anyways--and a prophecy about the one destined to rule. It's like a spaztastic mix of everything I could ever ask for in a movie, including Ben Kingsley.

Basically, the little kid who is destined to rule hurls his sword into a stone and becomes Uther Pendragon, which is too bad because Uther was fucking crazy. The wise magician Ambrosinus becomes Merlin after somehow managing to combust his one "mortal enemy" Vortgyn (which I give them no credit for) who was not even vaguely threatening and was dispatched after about a minute of "combat". And Ashy-Washy and Colin Firth have a hugely romantic scene where they lie in a bed made of pelts together and STARE DEEP INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES WITHOUT TOUCHING.

AND THEN THE SCREEN FADES TO BLACK.

......Yeah. That's seriously it.

I suggest you go see this movie now, because despite all its fail (did I mention Colin's troops, which are in charge of protecting the regent, are protecting him on the night he is SLAUGHTERED?) it is actually just amazing and hilarious and REALLY BAD.

Go. You know you want to.