I have realized my one true goal in life is to become a dictator and tyrant and then spoil myself silly until I finally die of a heart attack from eating too much chocolate. I won't be assassinated, because I'll also be a trigger-happy gun enthusiast. Woohoo!
It'd be nice, not having to answer to anyone or worry about feelings and the emotional baggage of other people. Living in solitude also seems to fulfil that wish, but solitude generally means being a hermit, and if you're a hermit you grow a long white beard and eat crabs for 90 years until you finally kick the bucket. I trust that I speak for everyone when I say "Ick."
So instead it's going to have to be either world domination or buying a private island and then pulling a stunt like Battle Royale, wherein I send hundreds of people into a giant deathmatch.
It's so badass (in an evil, psychopathic sort of way), it's crazy. I mean, admit it. The most awesome guys in movies are always the villains, because they don't pull any of that naive, trusting BS that the good guys do. Being nice gets you betrayed by your nerdy receptionist-turned-lingerie-wearing lover, while being evil gets you money, power, and a smirk that just won't quit. Frankly, I don't see why there's even a CHOICE.
Besides, in how many of the classic hero movies is the hero actually likeable? NONE. I point at, just off the top of my head, Luke Skywalker, who is whiny, immature, and unable to hit the Death Star until everyone else is DEAD; Frodo, who is the most wimpy character I've ever seen, and Harry Potter. Who is (pardon my stealing of British words), a twit.
Don't even get me started on Eragon, who is somehow a combination of all three.
Anyways, long story short, it pays off much better to be evil. Even if you DO get killed, at least you'll go out with a bang. And chances are, you'll die looking immaculate.
Unless you're Palpatine, in which case your face kind of prevents that. Sucks to be you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Or the guy in Raiders of the Lost ark...whose face melted off.
I guess the only downside is that good always wins (gosh darn it!). As good is dopey and evil dies, I definitely vote the hermit route. Minus the crabs & the beard, if that's possible. Oh, and without pesky heros trying to convince you out of hermit-hood every so often. That's just obnoxious. I mean, you're a hermit for a reason.
Expanding on what Schmidt said: being a hermit never works, because the heroes know that behind your crab-eating facade there is a brilliant mentor waiting to be awoken!!
So if you must take the evil route, I give my blessing on two conditions:
1) You choose World Domination instead of Private Island (I mean, come on. World Dominators have funky hair, genius birds as pets, badass maps, and better looks than the rest of their hideous armies. Private Island Dominators have sub-par torture chambers, are more often than not missing an eye/arm, feel the need to drink vodka all the time, and have secretaries who are hotter than they are.)
2) You come up with a name just as badass as The Metatron.
However, as much as I hate to burst your bubble, I don't think you'll ever turn to the Dark Side.
Truth: to choose to be a hero is masochistic. Truth: to choose to be a villain is almost too easy. Truth: you are masochistic.
Whenever I see some particularly nice spot in nature, I have a sudden urge to just become a hermit. Then I remember what that constitutes. I agree the villains are way hotter than heroes. I mean, just look at even the lamest of movies. For God's sake, look at Sky High (the epitome of lame movies). Even in THIS, the supposed villain (the fire dude), is waaay hotter than the hero, who is a wimp beyond belief. Forgive me for my love of the patheticness of Sky High, and my urge to watch it whenever it's on TV.
Hi. Nice blog.
I tried to reply to your comment long ago, but couldn't find your profile. Hope Gauss's soul rests in peace.
We'll both conquer the world one day. We'll have complete control with no one in the world left to oppose us.
...and then we'll screw it up. We'll fight endlessly and then we'll both try to kill each other at the exact same time.
And then some random fat guy will take over and and the world will fall apart into a tub of God given lard.
Ho ho ho.
P.S. Who the hell is varun.n.achur?
Varun, I don't know who you are, but your name is an anagramming goldmine.
Post a Comment