Oh, for the days of B-grade martial arts movies. For the days when the wise old mentor says, "Draw your sword," and you better draw the goddamn sword before he slices your face off. Comparatively, our teachers are CODDLING us.
Not that I really mind. After all, it is senior spring, and I have taken up shadow puppetry because what the hell, it's not like I have anything better (that I'm willing) to do. I wish I did, but I don't. It's either make shadow puppets or take up fishing in the ocean of my own tears.
Of course, I could be doing homework, but where's the fun in that? Getting stuff done before 11:00 PM is so overrated. So is sleep. And good health. And general mental stability. TOTALLY OVERRATED.
....Yeah, I'm not doing so great right now. Shush.
What I really want to do is go back to Kelsey Creek. Everything's so straightforward. I want to spend time around horses, doing something that requires effort I actually want to put in to it. I want to be outside, in the sun. I want to wear a t-shirt and shorts all day long and look like a flat-chested freshman or sophomore-aged girl. I also want to stop eating so much; I eat when I'm bored and when I'm discontented, and there's a lot of that in my life right now. I haven't gained that much weight, but I've put on a lot of blubber around my tummy that I don't need. Usually over the summer I trim down a little; this summer I want to actively try and lose a little weight.
Problem is, in the dieting/exercise area of my life, I'm just as unmotivated as I am in the do schoolwork/get more sleep area. Nothing really motivates me anymore. WOE AND MELODRAMA ABOUNDS.
And, okay, as much as I usually like myself, right now I'm kind of irritated with how I've been acting. Apologies all around. I feel like I've been clingy, whiny, and kind of pathetic for a long time now. Maybe this will get it out of my system, maybe not. Hopefully this will be the equivalent of sitting myself down and saying, "Get over yourself and man up."
I need to take my own advice, seriously. Or perhaps the advice of the sage Tallahassee: Nut up or shut up.
...Neither of which I can literally do. Damn.
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1 comment:
:( it makes me sad that you think you need to change at all! I mean, I get the whole wanting-to-go-to-nature-and-be-with-horses thing, but the other stuff is just uncool. How can you feel like you need to lose weight? That's cray cray. You are wonderful and beautiful and look your age. <3 have a great weekend!
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