Change? Maybe?

I'm feeling better! And...yeah, I was being silly. I stick to my guns on some of the things I touched on, but I am feeling all centered and Zen and shit, which is pretty awesome. I'd still like it if the weather was nicer, for example, because let's be honest and just all admit that however much we do or do not like the rain, NOBODY likes the soggy dead sidewalk worms. I'm so over that.

I'm also curious. Why do people seem so opposed to internal change becoming external? I'm not being critical, I'm just wondering. I know most people entertain the notion of remaking themselves at certain points in their lives - when they change schools/locations, for example - but this seems to depend on two things. First, that they cannot change unless there is some other sort of transition going on; second, that they can't change while there are still people around who know their "old" selves. This....seems flawed. I've definitely felt the same way, and so I understand that people will feel this way, I'm just not so sure WHY we do.

Maybe I'm just feeling grumbly because I've been taking a turn towards *gasp* the more girly side of life--without abandoning anything else, thank you very much. Really, though, I wonder how much of my own change is, well, actual change. I'm pretty sure that for all of my talk about being a fatty rock in the river of high school, I'm more in denial than I'd like to admit (unless, of course, it's late and I'm tired and feeling very shmoopy). I've always wanted to experiment with makeup, I just never had a)...makeup, b) knowledge, and c) the steadiness of hand required. In the same vein, I've always wanted to dress in a way that's both comfortable and nice, but I'm cheap and also lazy, and so I usually go for just comfortable.

Now, that's not to say I'm upset with the way I've come across over the past four years; on the contrary, I think I did myself a lot of good. I've toned some things down and made other things stronger, and I LIKE the changes. But again, I wasn't really going around creating new pieces of personality for myself, even if nobody except me knew that.

Hmm. I seem to have lost my train of thought, and with it whatever point I was going to make. Something about "everybody should be themselves, regardless of what that means for them in their soul!" You know, an appropriate, Disney-esque sort of thing.

I'm sure you can come up with something on your own, which means I don't have to sit here coming up with a witty way to end the post. Woohoo.