Naz, the all-powerful word meter, may not make another appearance for a while. This is why I can't do NaNo. I have no depth of plot that can carry me for more than a few thousand words. Quite unfortunate, this. I'm expecting to not have to write any novels in Fiction Writing next semester, but maybe that will help a bit. It doesn't help that I'm totally burned out. What, may I ask, does one do when one is at the end of one's rope (other than give in to the excessive use of the word 'one')?
Also I have this idea that people are a little in love with being miserable. I have proof, even, but this is not something I really want to talk about right now. I just had to bring it up (WTF, I know, but bear with me or use the back-button).
In fact, I'm not entirely sure what it is I want to talk about, I just kind of need to talk. Mind-vomit time! Yay!
So in various talks and discussions today it came up that I'm a paranoid psycho with serious trust issues and hey, who can blame me? You get that way when your friends start waging war on each other.....in elementary school. Now, I'm past the point where I even really care about what happens to the group. It's a little mercenary, but I think we are all entitled to our selfishness. You're kind of fucked if you don't want yourself to be happy ever. We may not always think we deserve it, but deep down, we should all WANT it. And the way I see the world, happiness means sometimes you have to kind of expect that people hate you.
Which, now that I think about it, is really twisted logic. But consider it like this: if you expect that they hate you, then it's a pleasant surprise when they're friendly. You might not make tons of friends that way, but you'll know that the ones you have were willing to work to get to know the real you; they won't see superficial friendliness only to discover that they don't like who you are.
I'm not advocating that you should maintain this attitude in every situation; in short-term friendships I'm all for being friendly and out-going. I had a great time at Stanford because I let people take me at a very cheery face value, and so there was no need for me to be paranoid. They weren't going to be upset by the inner me because they NEVER SAW IT. And they'd never have to, because I was only going to be living with them for three weeks. I can keep up the friendliness (if not the optimism) for three weeks. I just can't do it forever.
Did any of that make sense?
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The key here is letting the fake-friendly slowly melt away into the real-you-friendly (in your case, prickly). I find that it happens pretty naturally as you get to know each other - and if it isn't happening, it's because the friendship is just going to stay superficial and that's that.
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