Only, you know. Not.
Even though school is over, I really don't feel like it is....and probably won't for a good long while. But who cares? No one wants to hear me talk about school. So instead, group, let's go for the good stuff: really bad smut.
....
Okay, I'm kidding. Although bad smut is brilliantly entertaining, just because phrases like "love juices" and "hearty meat" fail at being anything other than snicker-inducing. That'd kill sex right there: "Oh Bernard, stab my womb with your powerful man meat!.....Bernard? Bernard, why are you laughing?!?!?"
Not that the name Bernard wouldn't kill sex on its own, but whatever.
Anyway, that wasn't what I was planning on writing about. I was actually planning on writing about the woes of someone who needs to come up with witty things to write in her friends' yearbooks.
But wait, there's more!
I also have the woes of someone who knows she is going to get TOO FAT over summer, and if not over summer definitely when school starts again. Woe is indeed me, except that short and snarky is already me and so are a whole bunch of other things, so woe doesn't really stick out too much. Poor little woe, all ignored and unloved *pets*.
Clearly, I'm more than a little ADD right now--I blame the sundae and cupcake consumed a few hours ago that have yet to lose their effect. I also blame bad smut, for making me laugh, and good old whats-her-face who I'm not going to mention by name but YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Hmph.
And all I have to say is: "Your son has been kidnapped! By a Turk, on a yacht!"
Thank you ladies and squirrels, you've been a wonderful audience and the more you tip me (I prefer white chocolate, not dark, thanks) the more I'll post!
....Only, you know. Not. Again.
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7 comments:
If there was ever a post custom-made for me, it was this one. And we are all going to get TOO FAT next year, but I will enjoy it!! And even if I do end up exercising on my own (haha yeah right) I will still like it better than PE. Because in PE I was constantly exposed to man meat. The very white kind.
And you should plan something special for my yearbook, cuz I'll be bringing it tomorrow.
Haha, I reactied on your blog
...w...t...f...
This was the most spastic post I have and ever will have read. You also successfully made me laugh for about three minutes (and watched me laugh for about three minutes) with the phrase "stab my womb with your man meat".
You already know how hilarious the whole man meat thing is. There isn't much need of a comment on that....
So let me just say that if you get any fatter than me, I will go out, my by myself a rope, tie it to a car, and then DRIVE. only I'll make someone else drive so you don't die. And then I'll open the sunroof and kill a puppy every time you start to slow down.
Ok, I just reread this post (how sad am I) and I was wondering if I knew anyone named Bernard. And then I remembered...Bernie Noe.
I just thought I'd share that.
I reactied too!! This was an INCREDIBLE BLOG POST! I had no idea that you could write as spazzily as you could talk sometimes. I adore the part about Bernard. You're wonderful and I love you and I miss you.. Awww...my Ishani!
love,
Julia
NOBODY WE KNOW IS FAT.
ESPECIALLY YOU!
STOP WHINING!!!!!!!!!!OMGOMGOMG N00BS!!
Unfortunately as teenagers in this day and age WE ALL HAVE SKEWED PERCEPTIONS OF OURSELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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