I was listening to the radio this morning, and they were talking about how some people will pay obscene amounts of money to take care of their pets. So of course I assumed that they were going to mention the people who pay tens of thousands of dollars just to build their dogs mini-mansions, people who take their cats to all-day spas, etc.
But I was wrong. This is a trend in my life.
Instead, they give as an example a British couple who are paying $2800 to try and cure their pet chicken of cancer. Yes, you read that right. A pet chicken. With cancer. I'm surprised the couple isn't deaf, blind, and mute, because this is worthy of a tragic screenplay.
Weirdly enough, the average lifespan of a chicken is 7-15 years. And here we must ask Nature what the fuck she was thinking, giving chickens a lifespan that long. We know chickens can do fabulous things like be trained to push buttons; they are also incredibly useless animals except for their eggs. In comparison, ostriches are also incredibly useless except for their eggs, which are delicacies, but they are also pretty badass for how ugly they are AND they can kill people, so they get more points than chickens.
Honestly, anything that can kill people gets points, just because there's only one way to end overpopulation (mass murder).
This is why I'd never succeed in politics. Also, somehow I got to genocide directed at useless people from a thirty-second radio blurb on chickens. I blame Mussolini. Everything's his fault anyways.
And even as I'm writing this, I just realized something. If people can cure chickens of cancer, why can't they cure other people of cancer? Or is there some sort of chicken-chemo treatment center over there in Britain? God, this is sort of like the comment about sending my dog clubbing. It has all become a useless ramble and at some point I shall probably just explode from superfluous rambling.
Which reminds me that I am a vocabulary snob. I use words like superfluous (especially in writing) because I think they're fun. I'm weird like that. I also use "cannot" in my essays, which is pretty much the snobbiest thing ever. So you see why I look down on people who have chickens with cancer. I am, not so deep down, an elitist, and it really doesn't help that I go to an superior school.
Plus I'm Asian. So I'm automatically smarter than you (unless you happen to be Korean, in which case I bow before you).
You are now allowed to hate me. And you should leave comments expressing your hate. Or just leave comments.
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5 comments:
Dear Ishani,
I was walking down the street today and I noticed that there was a boy who had a broken leg.
Speaking of broken leg, I have 5 toes on my left leg, and 5 toes on my right leg.
Which reminds me, why do people use the word "toes"? "Small appendages at the end of feet" would suffice. I'm wondering why I'm even writing this, because when one takes as many tangents as you do, they lose any ability they had to think clearly...or even remember their own name.
Eh, better than those things where you carry your poodle around like a purse. Or those dog markets. (Which I've seen, and man does it taste good).
Oh, and I'm Korean. Bow, mofo.
Ishani:
Your posts continue to get more and more incoherent. Maybe this is what I love about you. But at least you aren't as incoherent as the people who spend money on their pet chickens. You never know, maybe chickens will be man's new best friends, once we kill all the dogs in the world by smothering them with unwanted attention and little doggy sweaters.
Guess what?? Even though I didn't comment for real, I'm still going to say that YOU NEED TO UPDATE (or bad things will happen to you and your family).
That is all.
guess what?? I've moved:
http://chez-schmidt.blogspot.com
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