Gandhi was a sad, sad little man. Almost as sad as Winston Churchill, who was often right but so fat that no one ever listened to him.
Guys, despite their many flaws, are way better at keeping secrets than girls, who tend to last all of three seconds when pressured. I could probably try to over-interpret this, but I'm secretly shallow and don't really care.
When I grow up, I know that I am doomed to become a co-tyrant with Jake--we will, of course, send assassins after each other shortly after we take power. Wanda, on the other hand, is doomed to grow up and become a short Japanese pop star.
This post isn't actually about toast. I'm sorry if I've crushed your dreams. I find plain toast too dry anyways. It needs marmalade.
I think cross-dressing might be fun to try one day--it'd be really funny to physically be able to pass for a guy. For this reason, guys who cross-dress make me laugh, but guys who wear tacky makeup bug me, if only because there is no reason for guys to not apply makeup tastefully, and garish makeup is just ugly.
There is also no excuse for Hitler's moustache. It is an awkward looking moustache. Someone who limps (there's no other word for the way he looks) his rolling backpack up stairs is probably going to grow a moustache just like it.
You cannot run and not look stupid. Either you're slow and you look tired and out-of-shape, or you're fast and simply look like one of many animals. Like a turtle. Or a wounded duck.
Short people who feel the need to make up for their short, mole-like appearance by having midget-battles are to be pitied. They should also be given warm pancakes with laxatives in them.
I know I'd laugh. And then probably feel guilty. But I'd laugh first.
Likewise, girls who wear shirts that make their boobs look like water balloons should be sent, skimpy clothes and all, to Finland, land of the power walkers.
I am horrible at staying focused on one thing. Not only am I distracted by my own brain, but I am a total magpie. I love shiny things!
I don't care how goofy the name sounds, Scaramouche has probably THE hottest main character who isn't a total romance-novel hero. End of story.
And if you don't comment, I won't kill you. Instead I'll make sure the ninja security guard who is also a Russian spy EATS YOU ALIVE.
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3 comments:
God, I have serious speculations about the true identity of that security guard. I think you're right; he's a total ninja/spy.
But I am also sad about the Japanese pop star thing. Because it's totally true...except for the Japanese part.
And the pancakes with laxatives...best idea I've heard in a while.
The sad part about cross dressing is that it doesn't lend itself to girls. When guys crossdress, it's interesting and often entertaining/awe inspiring. When girls cross dress, they just look like our little mole friend - pathetic. It's a disheartening prospect to all us wanna-be crossdressers out there.
On the other hand, girls can work the girl-in-men's-clothes thing and look very hot in a girly way, whereas that just doesn't work for guys...
If you ever want a cross-dressing buddy, I'm here for you.
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