Ehe.
I got a prom dress! And shoes! And, okay, this is kind of weird but even though they're not super conventional prom-wear, I think they work. Because they represent WHO I AM IN MY SOUL.
Seriously, it's kind of awesome. The dress is this floor length, fairly simple affair with one flowing sleeve (because I'm cool like that) and it's kind of beautiful and also kind of like something an old woman at the Oscars would wear. Which is good, because I'm not all young and girly and flirty and cute. I'm old and stodgy and prudish and turtle-like.
The shoes are even more awesome in a way, mostly because when I look down at my feet they look like little brown Spartans waring silver-grey helmets. This amuses me to no end, and also makes me want to stomp my feet and shout "THIS IS SPAHTUH!"
In a perfect world, I would then kick someone into a pit of death with my badass five-inch heels.
Also, I'm proud of myself, because it turns out I've upped my tolerance for shopping! I used to wimp out after an hour or two (8th grade graduation dress) and this time I lasted five and a half hours with one coffee break. I also walked several miles in order to accomplish this. All in all, it was kind of an epic excursion.
Which is good, considering how much this next week is going to suck. No time for epic excursions when one has several tests, an awards ceremony, piano classes to teach, and WAY TOO MUCH HOMEWORK FOR SENIOR SPRING.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Change? Maybe?
I'm feeling better! And...yeah, I was being silly. I stick to my guns on some of the things I touched on, but I am feeling all centered and Zen and shit, which is pretty awesome. I'd still like it if the weather was nicer, for example, because let's be honest and just all admit that however much we do or do not like the rain, NOBODY likes the soggy dead sidewalk worms. I'm so over that.
I'm also curious. Why do people seem so opposed to internal change becoming external? I'm not being critical, I'm just wondering. I know most people entertain the notion of remaking themselves at certain points in their lives - when they change schools/locations, for example - but this seems to depend on two things. First, that they cannot change unless there is some other sort of transition going on; second, that they can't change while there are still people around who know their "old" selves. This....seems flawed. I've definitely felt the same way, and so I understand that people will feel this way, I'm just not so sure WHY we do.
Maybe I'm just feeling grumbly because I've been taking a turn towards *gasp* the more girly side of life--without abandoning anything else, thank you very much. Really, though, I wonder how much of my own change is, well, actual change. I'm pretty sure that for all of my talk about being a fatty rock in the river of high school, I'm more in denial than I'd like to admit (unless, of course, it's late and I'm tired and feeling very shmoopy). I've always wanted to experiment with makeup, I just never had a)...makeup, b) knowledge, and c) the steadiness of hand required. In the same vein, I've always wanted to dress in a way that's both comfortable and nice, but I'm cheap and also lazy, and so I usually go for just comfortable.
Now, that's not to say I'm upset with the way I've come across over the past four years; on the contrary, I think I did myself a lot of good. I've toned some things down and made other things stronger, and I LIKE the changes. But again, I wasn't really going around creating new pieces of personality for myself, even if nobody except me knew that.
Hmm. I seem to have lost my train of thought, and with it whatever point I was going to make. Something about "everybody should be themselves, regardless of what that means for them in their soul!" You know, an appropriate, Disney-esque sort of thing.
I'm sure you can come up with something on your own, which means I don't have to sit here coming up with a witty way to end the post. Woohoo.
I'm also curious. Why do people seem so opposed to internal change becoming external? I'm not being critical, I'm just wondering. I know most people entertain the notion of remaking themselves at certain points in their lives - when they change schools/locations, for example - but this seems to depend on two things. First, that they cannot change unless there is some other sort of transition going on; second, that they can't change while there are still people around who know their "old" selves. This....seems flawed. I've definitely felt the same way, and so I understand that people will feel this way, I'm just not so sure WHY we do.
Maybe I'm just feeling grumbly because I've been taking a turn towards *gasp* the more girly side of life--without abandoning anything else, thank you very much. Really, though, I wonder how much of my own change is, well, actual change. I'm pretty sure that for all of my talk about being a fatty rock in the river of high school, I'm more in denial than I'd like to admit (unless, of course, it's late and I'm tired and feeling very shmoopy). I've always wanted to experiment with makeup, I just never had a)...makeup, b) knowledge, and c) the steadiness of hand required. In the same vein, I've always wanted to dress in a way that's both comfortable and nice, but I'm cheap and also lazy, and so I usually go for just comfortable.
Now, that's not to say I'm upset with the way I've come across over the past four years; on the contrary, I think I did myself a lot of good. I've toned some things down and made other things stronger, and I LIKE the changes. But again, I wasn't really going around creating new pieces of personality for myself, even if nobody except me knew that.
Hmm. I seem to have lost my train of thought, and with it whatever point I was going to make. Something about "everybody should be themselves, regardless of what that means for them in their soul!" You know, an appropriate, Disney-esque sort of thing.
I'm sure you can come up with something on your own, which means I don't have to sit here coming up with a witty way to end the post. Woohoo.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Fixing my own obnoxiousness
Oh, for the days of B-grade martial arts movies. For the days when the wise old mentor says, "Draw your sword," and you better draw the goddamn sword before he slices your face off. Comparatively, our teachers are CODDLING us.
Not that I really mind. After all, it is senior spring, and I have taken up shadow puppetry because what the hell, it's not like I have anything better (that I'm willing) to do. I wish I did, but I don't. It's either make shadow puppets or take up fishing in the ocean of my own tears.
Of course, I could be doing homework, but where's the fun in that? Getting stuff done before 11:00 PM is so overrated. So is sleep. And good health. And general mental stability. TOTALLY OVERRATED.
....Yeah, I'm not doing so great right now. Shush.
What I really want to do is go back to Kelsey Creek. Everything's so straightforward. I want to spend time around horses, doing something that requires effort I actually want to put in to it. I want to be outside, in the sun. I want to wear a t-shirt and shorts all day long and look like a flat-chested freshman or sophomore-aged girl. I also want to stop eating so much; I eat when I'm bored and when I'm discontented, and there's a lot of that in my life right now. I haven't gained that much weight, but I've put on a lot of blubber around my tummy that I don't need. Usually over the summer I trim down a little; this summer I want to actively try and lose a little weight.
Problem is, in the dieting/exercise area of my life, I'm just as unmotivated as I am in the do schoolwork/get more sleep area. Nothing really motivates me anymore. WOE AND MELODRAMA ABOUNDS.
And, okay, as much as I usually like myself, right now I'm kind of irritated with how I've been acting. Apologies all around. I feel like I've been clingy, whiny, and kind of pathetic for a long time now. Maybe this will get it out of my system, maybe not. Hopefully this will be the equivalent of sitting myself down and saying, "Get over yourself and man up."
I need to take my own advice, seriously. Or perhaps the advice of the sage Tallahassee: Nut up or shut up.
...Neither of which I can literally do. Damn.
Not that I really mind. After all, it is senior spring, and I have taken up shadow puppetry because what the hell, it's not like I have anything better (that I'm willing) to do. I wish I did, but I don't. It's either make shadow puppets or take up fishing in the ocean of my own tears.
Of course, I could be doing homework, but where's the fun in that? Getting stuff done before 11:00 PM is so overrated. So is sleep. And good health. And general mental stability. TOTALLY OVERRATED.
....Yeah, I'm not doing so great right now. Shush.
What I really want to do is go back to Kelsey Creek. Everything's so straightforward. I want to spend time around horses, doing something that requires effort I actually want to put in to it. I want to be outside, in the sun. I want to wear a t-shirt and shorts all day long and look like a flat-chested freshman or sophomore-aged girl. I also want to stop eating so much; I eat when I'm bored and when I'm discontented, and there's a lot of that in my life right now. I haven't gained that much weight, but I've put on a lot of blubber around my tummy that I don't need. Usually over the summer I trim down a little; this summer I want to actively try and lose a little weight.
Problem is, in the dieting/exercise area of my life, I'm just as unmotivated as I am in the do schoolwork/get more sleep area. Nothing really motivates me anymore. WOE AND MELODRAMA ABOUNDS.
And, okay, as much as I usually like myself, right now I'm kind of irritated with how I've been acting. Apologies all around. I feel like I've been clingy, whiny, and kind of pathetic for a long time now. Maybe this will get it out of my system, maybe not. Hopefully this will be the equivalent of sitting myself down and saying, "Get over yourself and man up."
I need to take my own advice, seriously. Or perhaps the advice of the sage Tallahassee: Nut up or shut up.
...Neither of which I can literally do. Damn.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)