Saturday, December 19, 2009

The essay I wish I could send

Hi, my name is Weebil and you don't know me but I'd love to go to your school. By your school, I mean the school you work for, and while I'm sure working in the admissions office isn't your first-choice job, I understand that in this recession people take what they can get--speaking of which, I'd love if I could get a couple thousand dollars to help pay for tuition. Because you know, I really, really want to go to this school that has hired you in the face of economic hardship (either you're really good, or they're really desperate for cheap labor).

But honestly, when I added that second 'really', and I put it in Italics, it was because I meant it with every fiber of my soul. I swear to karma, since I'm an atheist who fully endorses each religion getting the same amount of respect, regardless of my own beliefs. Did I mention that I was a fake-Asian?

I'm also not only really smart (that's the Asian part), but big on community service and being around other people (that's the fake part, and I'm not sure where I get it from but I suspect my mother has mutant genes). I drink tea and coffee, but I drink my tea black and my coffee with milk, sugar, whipped cream, and a touch of chocolate. My favorite drink is a white chocolate mocha in the cold months and a caramel frappuccino in the warm ones. I like heat better than cold; and yes, I do know that "there are only so many layers you can take off" but I suspect I'm part lizard or something equally diverse, because I love nothing more than to bask in the sun--except, of course, the possibility of recieving an acceptance letter from this college.

If I get in, graduate, and become rich, I promise to buy you guys a really ugly, badly-designed building!

My undying love and devotion,

Weebil

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I really need to meet this Weebil. S/h/it (shit) sounds like a cool dude(tte[shit]).