On having problems and wanting them

I live vicariously through fictional characters; I celebrate their successes because I have very few of my own.

At least, this is my theory. I ought to just admit it: I've had no major problems in my life, and so I've had no overwhelming feelings of triumph from conquering those obstacles. My victories are little ones, and for the most part created to make myself feel better.

I'm not saying this necessarily bad, I'm just saying that this is how I observe things to be. I'm assuming I will one day "grow up" and stop wanting to win out over something greater than myself. Again, I don't mean to imply that this is a bad thing or a good thing, it's just an assumption regarding the future.

There's a lot to be said about the loss of childhood, but I think that's a discussion for a later date.

Mostly, what I'd like to talk about is the idea of wanting trials and tribulations. It seems like one of those things where the people who have curly hair want straight hair, and the people who have straight hair want curly hair, and the people who have wavy hair complain just for the sake of complaining. Not to dumb down the concept, but that does sort of seem to fit.

I feel untried and, on a more superficial level, like I have no right to many things (for the most part, wanting sympathy/attention) because my life has been pretty damn easy. I know others who feel the same way. But of course, I'm sure if I spoke to people who I would say have gone through much more than I have, I doubt they'd really say that they like, in retrospect, having had those experiences and becoming--or not becoming--a "stronger person". Is this because we have no higher goal in mind when we suffer? Is it just that people don't go off adventuring any more? We can't take pride or happiness from our achievements, because ultimately no matter how bad our lives are, we aren't suffering for a greater cause--we're just suffering. And yet that still seems preferable to not suffering at all.

Going back to the last post, this is the sort of thing that makes me interested in psychology. There's a whole mess here that's been wired into our brains (or in the case that I'm totally off the mark, just mine) and it needs untangling. I'd like to cast some blame on my love for fantasy/sci-fi novels as a child, but the truth is that many books and films have some sort of connection to these ideas--why, after all, do we make movies about certain people? Because they've had to go through something we never will, and this fascinates us.

Perhaps I'm being too general with my assumptions. Draw your own conclusions, or just wait until I cheer up and go back to posting my usual fare of spastic topic-jumping. I should be back to my usual self soon (actually, another topic for a later time--what constitutes my "usual" self? The self I show my family? My friends? The self that appears, like now, when I think I won't be judged/heard by anyone?).