In this world nothing is certain except death and taxes.
-Benjamin Franklin
Quite true, old chap.
My life has been touched by cancer four times since I came to Lakeside, and I find myself unable to cope. I am lucky--not one of those times has been within my own family--but then, at the same time, I have no excuse to feel so terribly depressed over it. Pity, sympathy, even sadness--all are understandable responses. I seem, however, to go over the top (as always) and get overly emotional.
Which sort of goes back to the whole offering-sympathy thing I was talking about a while ago. Because I feel guilty feeling bad when I know that the people who love the sick person most are feeling ten times worse than I am, and I ought to be supporting them--but it's easier to just feel my own sadness instead of trying to help ease theirs.
So, okay. I pose a question to you few, you proud, you who have probably stopped reading the mopefest by this point. How do you deal with other people's sadness? And do you have any tips on what to say to someone who's got family or friends with a major illness?
Yes, I'm being kind of whiny. Yes, I should get over myself. Yes, just because I have a blog I'm going to indulge myself completely because that is the point of a blog.
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1 comment:
No, I feel ya, it's an interesting topic.
That said, despite the "I feel ya's" I like to use, I have empathy issues. I'm really bad at it. I'm pretty good at listening, but then again that takes minimal skill (i.e. not talking), and I like to give advice, but often my advice is also fail. I'm very bad at "aww"-ing. I just can't do it.
So when somebody is sad and comes to me for comfort, I don't have a lot to offer. But I try. I hope that's worth something.
I attribute my fail to two things: self-centeredness and realism. I think I'm bad at being empathetic because I put a lot (too much) value on myself (for example, I'm currently talking about my own issues instead of empathizing with yours). And I think I'm bad at giving advice because I'm a realist, and I like to think that I tell things straight. Your cat died? You'll get over it. I like to try to put it lightly but pretty much trying to say that at all is a no-no.
The moral of the story is, don't do what I do. It's a bad idea.
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