A tiny paper towel in my ear

Before I explain the title, here's another blast from the past-style post!

From 9/10/09:

On my laptop (finally!)

Thank God they finally reimaged the little stinker, who I am now rechristening--more on that in a second. But anyways, the way this laptop's keyboard is set, it's a lot easier on my wrists than the Mac's wireless one. Also, I am glad I no longer have to bum off the desktop or my mom's laptop. I CAN CHECK MY EMAIL WITH REGULARITY AGAIN.

Anyways, I've decided to rename my laptop, because I have been converted to the cult of crazy people who name their electronics. For example, I've named my cell Kirby, because it's ancient and indestructible (sadly, it is not pink). I will probably name my laptop Dexter, because it looks normal on the outside. On the inside, however, IT EATS SOULS.

Seriously.

But it's nice to have it back anyways. I form strange attachments to things like my computer, contact lenses, and old papers demonstrating how talented I was in kindergarten.

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I take this post as an example of my relationship with technology. I love it, but it better be really, REALLY sturdy, or there will be problems. I do things like drop my phone (twice today! Onto concrete!), drop my iPod, drop my laptop, and otherwise generally abuse my technological devices with absolutely no intent of doing so.

I have dropped my iPod in the mad dash from one car to another, in the rain, onto asphalt. And because it's a Mini, and doesn't take any of this iPod Nano super-thin shit, it was still playing music when I picked it up. I have dropped my cell phone more times than I can count, and the worst that has happened is that the back has popped off and the battery's come out. As soon as I put everything back together again, voila! This has come in handy many times, and I approve wholeheartedly of any technology that is capable of such a feat.

Now, to change the subject completely, let me explain the paper towel. My ear had a small cut; I accidentally picked the scab off and it began to bleed again. So in order to prevent awkward ear-bloodstains, I put a little paper towel ball there to keep everything neat and tidy! And now I'm just too lazy to walk over to my trashcan, remove it, and throw it away. So it's going to stay in my ear until it's time for bed.

I'm really cool, obviously.

Also, on the subject of other people's blog posts. I know I've been really bad about commenting, and that's mostly because I'm not entirely sure what to say. It seems as though almost anything I would be inclined to say is not something that the poster will want to hear--and this is not meant to be directed to the most recent posters; rather, it is a sad truth that applies to every single soul-baring post that has been made in the past three years. I'm worried about offending people--I'm worried that sympathy will come across as insincere and advice will come across as condescending. I don't know what to say, so I just don't say anything at all. Thumper's Rule, you know.

At the same time, I wonder if my brain simply works differently: when I post (if ever I've posted) on a topic that is of great emotional value to me, especially if it's negative, I feel like I'm grasping for any sympathy at all; perhaps that's simply what I personally want, and my issues are blown out of proportion to achieve that goal. The recent posts are upsetting to me, but on a fundamental level I don't think I can understand them, simply because I've never been in the same position. My real self-percieved failings I tend to keep quiet; the ones I post about aren't necessarily the ones that dominate when I think about the reasons for any insecurity I have.

I guess what I'm trying to say is two things: one, I'm honored that people would choose to be so honest on their blogs, and two, my commenting-deficiency is entirely my own fault.

Wow, I'm really bad at expressing myself concisely when I'm not talking about mundane things like paper towels and iPods on concrete. Colleges are going to love that.

On writing (again) and NaNo

2705 / 50000

Huh, I guess it's actually kind of a good thing I have my little progress bar. I feel almost obligated to write more now, so I wound up working through a stuck point today.

Not that I'm anywhere close to NaNo pace, of course. Still, I'll get there eventually....maybe.

I realized today that perhaps my expectations for myself as a writer are a little high--not only in terms of the quality of my writing, but also in terms of my physical ability to sit down and write for long periods of time. I know that many of the writers who I idolize wrote terribly, trashy stuff when they were younger--I've seen it, and it's no better and no worse than anything I wrote a year or two ago (I'd like to think I've gotten a little more sensible, if not strictly better, since then). Moreover, I also know that now, at a time when they're producing work that I love, they're in their late 20s at the YOUNGEST--and that's a polite estimate. That gives me an entire decade to improve, so long as I stick with it.

Really, I know all young writers want to be the next Anton Chekhov or Christopher Paolini--or at least, be popular like them. I frankly would rather die than publish something like Eragon. But it's simply not realistic! So I will instead just suffer it out as a less-than-competent author for the next ten years, after which point I will have hopefully figured out a thing or two about good writing. And how to finish a longer story. That would be nice too.

And then maybe I'll try NaNo for real. It would certainly be an adventure, but I feel like finishing a 50,000-word novel in 30 days is kind of like climbing Mount Everest. It's going to be the most miserable experience of your life until you get to the top, at which point you can pretty much fling your arms out and proclaim, "I'VE WON!" And do a little victory dance of supreme awesomeness.

My new....rectangle

2027 / 50000

This is my new progress bar.

It tells me exactly how far away I am from my goal of writing a novel (50,000 words).

It is probably going to depress the shit out of me, but I plan on updating it regularly (whenever I actually write).

Its name is Naz, the All-Powerful Rectangle of Doom.

I fear it already.

On love

Because I feel like posting on hate would be a trend-following act, and also I'm having a good week.

So. What I love. I know I've posted lists like this before, so I'm going to try and go broader.

My family! I love my family, even when I hate them for being stupid. I know this actually applies to maybe one other person (if that), but I honestly would not mind going to the UW and staying near them.

Puzzles. I not-so-secretly love puzzles. What sort of puzzles fluctuates, but still.

Sunshine. I love sunshine; love the heat and the dry and the basking in the sun that's required by such weather.

Music. That one should be self-explanatory. People who don't have music that they love are missing out.

History. Not sure why I love it, but world history is pretty much my favorite subject ever.

B-movies. Which you should have already known.

The Triduum: the ones who will go with me to see GI Joe and Zombieland and Doomsday. And Transformers 2, no matter how unwillingly. So much love that it fills my heart with crazy.

Obviously, there are things missing from the list. But I'm tired and have to go to class. So there.

On writing woes

Well, I've turned in my first application. It was kind of exhilarating.

But now I'm beating my head against an entirely different sort of beast.

That would be my novel-in-progress. The idea has refused to die, it's gone through two rewrites, and it's never been finished in any form. Oh yes, and I have NO BETA.

Which is killing me. I like feedback, and I like having someone read my work and say "Oh, by the way, this is unclear--what were you going for?" Not only is it useful, but it kind of keeps me going. On that note, a quick apology for my own failure to beta properly. I definitely died before the last 8 pages of the work I was reading. Sorry--send it again from where I stopped giving you edits and give me a boot!

Anyways, the other problem I have is this dragon. It's kind of a pivotal character, even though it doesn't make much of an appearance, and I am still kind of set on the idea of it being a dragon. The only other thing that would sort of work would be a semi-divine figure akin to the Oracle at Delphi, and that doesn't REALLY work because I need the character to be not only very apathetic but also kind of a threat should that apathy ever stop.

Which means I'd have to go beyond semi-divine figure into the whole god thing, and I really don't want to go there, because that will create problems with later plot points involving deities.

Anyways, for right now I'm going to leave it, and I'll have to see where it goes. I'm also trying to write in third-person present, which is....aggravating. But also feels necessary, because writing in third-past was not working out at all.

So, writing woes. And also, I have eaten approximately three times my own weight in chocolates today, I kid you not, and I'M STILL HUNGRY.

A short post on nothing much

First, a link: http://chipmunkcar.blogspot.com/2009/04/summaries-of-different-sort.html

I posted this for the first time in October, but perhaps since it was a draft from April 23rd, that's the date it got posted to. Anyways, it's severe nerdery warning ahead on that one, but if you're interested in reading about some of what I read, click the link.

Also, I am resigned to life sucking until Sunday or at least until I get my applications in. This is okay. Because you know what? There will always be YouTube, and life will go on no matter how bad my Comp Sci design is.

I FEEL LIBERATED.

On tribbles and Disney movies sucking

What the hell is a tribble?

Well, okay. Technically, I know what a tribble is. It's a small ball of fur from ST: TOS, and apparently it eats, and it reproduces. So it's like a bunny, but slimmed down to the bare essentials. Oh yes, and it sort of makes a dove-cat-hybrid sound.

I wonder if life would be easier as a tribble.

But mostly, I'm wondering what's up with the featureless fluffball type of animal showing up all over the place. I mean, sure, they're cute...sort of. But what purpose do they serve?

And since I have no idea where I was going with this, I'm going to change topics and say that though I am a die-hard classic Disney fan, there are some older Disney movies that just creeped me the fuck out.

Like, for example, Tarzan. I didn't mind most of it. Sure, the gorilla dying was sad, but for the most part everything was okay! And then. The villain's death scene? SO UNCALLED FOR, DISNEY.

We all knew how it was going to end up, and I'll be honest--it was way too gruesome for me. There wasn't tons of blood and gore, but nobody wants to watch a guy accidentally hang himself in an animated kid's movie. Even now, I prefer to watch death scenes where the bad guy dies at the hand of the hero. It seems more...civilized.

Another example of this would be The Hunchback of Notre Dame, which I could quite possibly go on for pages about. First off, the moral of this movie is so warped (and, surprisingly for Disney, accurate): Even if you have a good heart, the "hot" guy is going to get the girl. Because you're ugly, and nobody really loves you as anything other than that one guy who saved their life that one time.

Second, what the hell. The bad guy was pretty much killed by a stone gargoyle. Really, Disney? Are you going to try and push the whole "But Quasimodo is so pure of heart that he can't kill anybody!" shit?

Because that's what it is.