Summaries of a different sort

From 4/23/09, a post emerges! More to possibly follow!

I was thinking about doing another Bollywood summary, but I'm sorry to say I ought to really watch something new first. So rather than deprive myself of the pleasure of summarizing really stoner films, I've decided to do short summaries of some of my favorite anime (EDIT: In retrospect, not all of these are my favorites. I just thought they were amusing). Yeah, I know I'm a great big nerd. I'm not asking you, my nonexistent readers, to watch these shows. I'm just proving that Asia as a whole is less than remotely sane. And perhaps giving you an insight into my inner self! Or not!

So, let's get started.

In Gundam Wing, which is probably one of the reasons I grew up so strange, 5 teenage super-soldiers compensate for their less-than-impressive heights by battling literally everybody else in the universe with giant flying robots. Nobody knows who the bad guys are, people freefall 50 stories and survive, and many, many things blow up. Including the protagonist.

Prince of Tennis...Is not actually about middle school tennis. In fact, it is about quite possibly everything except middle school tennis (homosexuality, spaghetti Westerns, the destruction of the world, finding your true self, etc). Don't let the racquets fool you. Also, everybody refers to it as PoT. That ought to tell you something.

Yami no Matsuei follows a crazed immortal doctor as he attempts to capture a half-demon god of death, so he can use the guy's demonic, self-healing body to revive his hated stepbrother and then kill the bastard himself. He's also totally hot for the god of death, and raped, cursed, and murdered the guy's teenage partner. Did I mention that his stepbrother is currently a head wired to the inside of a tube of green fluids? Because he is.

Gravitation is about true love. And "music". By which I really mean true love. One exceedingly gay musician (I mean gay as in "Disney movie happy" and also as in "of the homosexual persuasion") falls for an equally gay but more tasteful author. And basically, they have a dramatic romance of Twilight proportions. There are love pentagons and family strife and lots of awkward moments that end in tears. And a few that end in sex.

And finally, because I think I ought to share this, Yakitate!! Japan is about one teen's quest to make the ultimate Japanese bread! People try and kill him over this.

I wish I was kidding.

Somewhere, over the ocean....

....There's a bucketload of crazy.

How to introduce this one. If you know me even a little, you know I have a strange fascination (obsession) with Japan. So I understand to a fairly high degree just how batshit the entire country is. I have come to expect smiling giant robot crabs. I don't think it's strange when adults run the Tokyo Marathon dressed as Hello Kitty. I had thought that I knew the extent of the madness Japan mass-produces.

I was so wrong, it's actually just humiliating (granted, it'd be more humiliating if I had seen this coming).

Let me ask you a question, then. Suppose you are Japan. Suppose there is a popular animated TV show about a tennis team. You've made a live-action movie for it. You've made a couple of ridiculously slapstick side-animations for it.. You've even had the voice actors produce several CDs worth of songs as their respective characters. And the show is still popular. What do you do?
......
......

Why, it's quite obvious. You create a series of musicals that cover the plot of the original show! You include very bad dancing with racquets! You recreate dramatic matches, complete with video-screen flashbacks! YOU MAKE EVERYONE SING ABOUT DOING THEIR BEST!

WHAT. THE. HELL.

I can't even begin to come to terms with this. It's awkward, it's painful, and it's just plain weird. I know that somewhere in my heart, a rabid weasel of crazy has stood up and cheered, but the rest of me is shocked and trying not to hyperventilate. So of course, I thought I'd share.

I'd also like to state, just for the record, that Bollywood-brand crazy has just been definitively topped.

......There is something seriously wrong with Japan.